Cold noses and Sheryl Crowses.

It’s such a beautiful day today, have you looked outside?

I was woken far too early, however, by tweeting birds perched outside my window. I don’t mind as much, I mean, they’ve been here longer than me, but they should have had the foresight to let me sleep in at least past 9:30am. And it’s my day off. It’s getting really bright, and I have to use one of those sleeping blindfolds like what Carrie in Sex in the City used. The one drawback is that when I wake I momentarily think that I’ve been kidnapped.

I stumbled downstairs and proceeded to make my morning coffee, but annoyingly ruined it by letting it brew for only two minutes before I pressed the plunger on the French press. I poured in milk (whole), and a spoon of sugar (organic fairtrade golden granulated), took a sip, but it tasted weak. After I realised this, I tried to rectify it by pouring it back into the French press and letting it brew for a further couple of minutes. When I eventually made my mug, it was cold so I had to warm it in the microwave, further destroying any residue of taste left in the coffee. I could have started from scratch, but I’m far too lazy so just ended up drinking my disappointing coffee.

Anyway the reason why my coffee was ruined was because I was distracted by the Jeremy Kyle show. I turned on the telly and was confronted with the tagline “My ex was a prostitute…why should I believe her baby’s mine? DNA results.” One of the contestants was telling her partner about the daughter she had borne him. She pleaded with him, “she doesn’t even know who you are, she doesn’t call you dad, she calls you…Gareth.

I took another sip of coffee.

...

It’s the afternoon and all I’ve had is a banana. I always end up fasting on my days off. I can’t find the Jaffa Cakes, so may have to venture outside in the glorious sunshine. I’m trying to read Beloved by Toni Morrison, but I’m in one of those lazy bored moods. I did put on my U2 Elevation concert DVD, but couldn’t concentrate on Beloved, not with the Edge and his brilliant solos. Plus it takes something out of you each time you read that book. Maybe I’ll go for that walk.

Antony and Cleopatra at the Novello was very good last, but it was a bit cold in the theatre. My nose got cold. Plus I think I made my situation worse by having an ice cream during the interval, but don’t two ‘colds’ make a ‘hot’ or something? (My maths was never really any good.)

I didn’t think Harriet Walters was very sexy as Cleopatra. She was a bit meagre, not very meaty, (how I imagine Cleopatra to be). Plus she was visibly cold. She’d make a good Lady Macbeth though. She spoke with a strange accent, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I suspect too many glottal stops. Someone like Oprah Winfrey, with her soothing yet commanding voice, would make a good Cleopatra, but she doesn’t have the ‘beauty’ considered necessary for the role. Oprah only has inner beauty. Incidentally Sheryl Crow was on Oprah today talking about women in their 40s. She is so very good, Sheryl Crow. Oprah demanded that we too can become ‘energised’ like Sheryl after leaving Lance Armstrong. No one in the audience disagreed. You go girl!

It was strange to sit in the front row and have Captain Picard give you eye contact. I had to slouch in my seat because I was so close to the stage, so much so that after 3 hours, I lost all feeling in my legs. At one point he stared at me, and I hoped he would utter ‘Energise!’ and beam himself onto the Enterprise. I think he was disappointed with my posture, and my occasional yawning, but it wasn’t you Picard, I was just tired, plus I was distracted by the great legs of the person next to me. I need to do some yoga…maybe I’ll go tonight. Oh wait, it’s Spurs v Arsenal in the cup, dammit, I’ll have to stay in.