Cold noses and Sheryl Crowses.

It’s such a beautiful day today, have you looked outside?

I was woken far too early, however, by tweeting birds perched outside my window. I don’t mind as much, I mean, they’ve been here longer than me, but they should have had the foresight to let me sleep in at least past 9:30am. And it’s my day off. It’s getting really bright, and I have to use one of those sleeping blindfolds like what Carrie in Sex in the City used. The one drawback is that when I wake I momentarily think that I’ve been kidnapped.

I stumbled downstairs and proceeded to make my morning coffee, but annoyingly ruined it by letting it brew for only two minutes before I pressed the plunger on the French press. I poured in milk (whole), and a spoon of sugar (organic fairtrade golden granulated), took a sip, but it tasted weak. After I realised this, I tried to rectify it by pouring it back into the French press and letting it brew for a further couple of minutes. When I eventually made my mug, it was cold so I had to warm it in the microwave, further destroying any residue of taste left in the coffee. I could have started from scratch, but I’m far too lazy so just ended up drinking my disappointing coffee.

Anyway the reason why my coffee was ruined was because I was distracted by the Jeremy Kyle show. I turned on the telly and was confronted with the tagline “My ex was a prostitute…why should I believe her baby’s mine? DNA results.” One of the contestants was telling her partner about the daughter she had borne him. She pleaded with him, “she doesn’t even know who you are, she doesn’t call you dad, she calls you…Gareth.

I took another sip of coffee.

...

It’s the afternoon and all I’ve had is a banana. I always end up fasting on my days off. I can’t find the Jaffa Cakes, so may have to venture outside in the glorious sunshine. I’m trying to read Beloved by Toni Morrison, but I’m in one of those lazy bored moods. I did put on my U2 Elevation concert DVD, but couldn’t concentrate on Beloved, not with the Edge and his brilliant solos. Plus it takes something out of you each time you read that book. Maybe I’ll go for that walk.

Antony and Cleopatra at the Novello was very good last, but it was a bit cold in the theatre. My nose got cold. Plus I think I made my situation worse by having an ice cream during the interval, but don’t two ‘colds’ make a ‘hot’ or something? (My maths was never really any good.)

I didn’t think Harriet Walters was very sexy as Cleopatra. She was a bit meagre, not very meaty, (how I imagine Cleopatra to be). Plus she was visibly cold. She’d make a good Lady Macbeth though. She spoke with a strange accent, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I suspect too many glottal stops. Someone like Oprah Winfrey, with her soothing yet commanding voice, would make a good Cleopatra, but she doesn’t have the ‘beauty’ considered necessary for the role. Oprah only has inner beauty. Incidentally Sheryl Crow was on Oprah today talking about women in their 40s. She is so very good, Sheryl Crow. Oprah demanded that we too can become ‘energised’ like Sheryl after leaving Lance Armstrong. No one in the audience disagreed. You go girl!

It was strange to sit in the front row and have Captain Picard give you eye contact. I had to slouch in my seat because I was so close to the stage, so much so that after 3 hours, I lost all feeling in my legs. At one point he stared at me, and I hoped he would utter ‘Energise!’ and beam himself onto the Enterprise. I think he was disappointed with my posture, and my occasional yawning, but it wasn’t you Picard, I was just tired, plus I was distracted by the great legs of the person next to me. I need to do some yoga…maybe I’ll go tonight. Oh wait, it’s Spurs v Arsenal in the cup, dammit, I’ll have to stay in.

Wobbly babies

I saw 2 really cute things today.


I was taking some Roald Dahl books off the shelves to be returned to the publishers today and was crouched on the floor in front of the Fiction 8-12 bay. I had piled them up in a corner, making a nice little tower of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and George's Marvellous Medicine.

[Incidently I once tried to make George's Marvellous Medicine. After reading it, I went straight downstairs and mixed some Head and Shoulders with Colgate toothpaste, and added some Listerine for taste, and downed a small cupful. I think I was 9 at the time. It wasn't very good. I didn't shrink and was very disappointed. I told my sister about this a few years later and she was also very disappointed].

So anyway the wobbliest baby approaches my small tower of books (taller than him) and flops onto them, toppling them down to the floor. All the while doing this, he fixes me with his babiest of baby stares. Did he have any concept of what he was doing? His mother appeared within moments, and of course apologised for what baby Leo had done, but luckily I covered for him and said it was my pile of mess.

I had a conversation about my voice today with a fellow employee (a listless wistful girl). Apparently it's warm and welcoming, friendly even. Later, someone else (who has a lovely voice) told me that I have one of those voices that you can listen to for a long time before it begins to grate. I must make use of this.

Anyway the second cute thing occured during my till hour. I think I had gone into a trance after standing rather erectly at the till for a while. A small girl appeared beneath me, along with her mother and presented me with a Doctor Who Top Trump book. As her mother babbled on about handing me her reciept for my 'records' (as I had previously performed an exhange for her), the girl proceeded to tell me about all the Doctor Who books she had. (All the while a queue began to form). I smiled, handed her her book and told her 'well now you've got this one', which seemed to make her day, and they departed.

The next customer, smiled at me and handed me some CDs (Radio 1's Live Lounge, Amy Winehouse and others). She told me 'well, I don't have all the Doctor Who books, but I've got these', and I said 'aah no, those are the things to be reading' and smiled back. The rest of our transaction continued in silence, but she smiled again as she left and stared in my eyes. I think at this point my blood pressure was so low that I was in urgent need of some Jaffa Cakes, so I remained in silence. Sometimes it's nice to be silent though.

I'm going to see Antony and Cleopatra with Captain Picard tomorrow. In my opinion it has Shakespeare's best writing, and is an excellent representaion of love. Waaaay better than that Romeo & Juliet with petulant Romeo, and jailbait Juliet. A&C is a proper love story, about passion and real desire, rather than the fumblings of an inexperienced couple. In a sense it's much like Pat and Frank's relationship in Eastenders, which is the greatest love story ever told, more so than Lancelot and Guinevere, or Tristan and Iseult. Plus Cleopatra is a sexy bitch. Apparently it's about 'melting'...melting states, melting minds, rivers melting, cheese. Well it's not just about cheese. I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow.

I got a tax refund the other day, so I'm fucking loaded. Wooo-hooo! I wanna blow it all on beer and hookers, but I know I'll only end up doing the decent thing and spend my hard earned cash on DVDs and shit CDs. I really wanna get the All Saints' one (Studio 1), but it completely bombed.

Here lies the conundrum. Is it worth spending your money on something you only marginally want, and would only buy because you had the extra cash? But that means I'm now doomed to buying shit CDs, because whenever I have extra cash, I'll only ever use it to buy something I only slightly want?

Besides if I really want it, I'll download it or copy it. A mate rang me yesterday to sell me a tie over the fone. It's a skinny tie, "really really skinny mate", he says, "and I can have it for a tenner". Of course I buy said tie without even seeing it. Why the fuck do this? I'll only wear it once.

Ooh, my first post. Well let's see, I can write anything I want now. Freedom. Ok, I work in a bookshop. I am a bloke. That's all your getting for the moment. Oh yes, and I move into the Kids' section tomorrow. Let's see how that goes.


(this is actually my second first post).